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In her hilarious and heartbreaking new novel, Laura Zigman, bestselling author of Animal Husbandry, explores what happens when the life we've chosen isn't that life we expected it to be. I thought I might just kidnap my niece and spare myself all the trouble and aggravation: Why risk having a child you might not like when there's already an existing child you adore? Take the baby-idea out for a little reality test-drive when I went to visit her.And at this point Ellen Franck is rethinking all her choices. At first, my older sister, Lynn, was entertained by such displays of my passionate aunthood. Pushing the stroller through the park, taking her for a ride in the family Jeep, dragging her kicking and screaming through the supermarket when she should have been eating or napping, I'd beam at passersby with the pride and bliss of a new mother."She's got her father's temperament," I'd say, and shrug blamelessly. My brother-in-law always gets cranky when he's hungry and tired. A pair of platform sneakers and a pair of fuzzy Cat in the Hat slippers wrapped inside their Payless boxes. Lynn came up first while Paul parked the car with Nicole."I have to pee this minute or I'm going to explode," she said, the desperation rising in her voice.On the other hand, Big Bird is looking like a better candidate for fatherhood every day: he's tall, affectionate, and steadily employed. And then it would dawn on me."A stroller.""I see," she'd say, doubling over and slapping her leg.And right now, for Ellen, thirty-five years old and dying to have a baby, almost any father will do. "So you're still planning on reproducing asexually."For a while, I wasn't planning on reproducing at all.""My type :( ""It's a good book and I liked it.I want him to read more but I can show him some books.""~Show him some books~.""You guys." "One Hundred Years of Solitude studied abroad in Seville.""Good.""YESSSS.""Yaaass.""My pants DROP.""Yep into it.
""Yeah, framing is very important here.""Not enough to make me ask to meet up, but a good way to determine how much of his persona is posturing and how much is genuine.""I think my instinct is to not believe him but I'm a brat.""I'd pour syrup on him and sop him up with a biscuit."Lolita is Woody Allen."Slouching Towards Bethlehem knows deep sorrow and has learned from it.""HELLO.""TAP THAT.""Joan Didion = panty dropper.""Slouching Towards Bedlehem's more like it.""What dat booty do?Shows stamina.""One Hundred Years of Doing It, amiright? on a Saturday night' vibe.""Only actually impressed if he likes Love in the Time of Cholera more.""Brideshead Revisited and you can def.